The Technology of Friendship
I had just spent the last hour transacting all of my monthly financial obligations online. Everything seems to be done automatically these days. As quickly as my paycheck is automatically credited to my account, my long list of creditors debits it for my monthly expenses. Hopefully, there is a lot more money left from this debit/credit transaction after I’m done with it. In reality, for most months, the expenses outweigh the incoming finances!
I then tried to think about what I spent my money on. From the inventory of things that I purchased, nothing seems to be significant enough to warrant a depleted balance on my account!
Ah, the fluff that is supposed to bring brightness to my being ends up generating a lot of resentment when payment is finally due!
And so the usual end of the month blues has descended upon my otherwise content existence. I tried to find the essential meaning of life in all of these. Money it seems can’t buy you happiness, nor as the Beatles so wisely sang it, “money, can’t buy you love” either. To its credit, what money does though, is buy you instant gratification that is transformed to instant depression when the bills come marching in!
To appease myself, I looked back on another month of mundane existence and attempted to find the so-called blessings I could count.
Perhaps, it is another sure sign of the times that I can no longer deny that I need to cut down on my spending on the unnecessary stuff that clutter my world. There is another truth that I can no longer imagine my existence without, the most essential technological advancement of all time, my Internet connection! How did I ever live without it? Can you even imagine your life now without any wireless connections?
Perhaps, it just me however, with the lightning speed timing that technology has brought into our lives, there is another great benefit that we could count on…one can’t even find the time to be depressed in virtual time!
Everything seems to be measured in nanoseconds, where have all the lazy hours gone? Perhaps to oblivion!
Even the friendships that I have kept and nurtured through the years are now but a mouse click away from extinction! The information super highway has been a great tool for maximizing my time management. The Internet has afforded me the ability to write a lengthy email to someone across the world while I try to balance my checkbook and do an electronic payment on my Visa account!
In fact, I just finished a response to an email from a friend in Cairo, Egypt. On the mailing list are friends on different locations around the globe. From Asia to Australia, from the tiny island of Saipan to the enormous North American Continent, each email address representing a person millions of miles away, each name signifying a friend I have known since the Middle Ages!
As I typed the words “Sincerely yours, “ I realized that they are but empty words which we so often use as an ending clause on any of our correspondences. However, they mean so much more than they seemingly appear. For after over a quarter of a century, I am still in touch with the friends I met when I was twelve. We are still very much in each other’s lives, sharing thoughts and experiences. We have been there for each other through the psychological pains of puberty to the emotional stability of maturity.
At least one could only assume that we have finally achieved some level of maturity, I hope!
We have shared anecdotes ranging from teen-age crushes and raging hormones, to just recently the all too annoying physical manifestations of what ails the middle-age body.
We have shared secrets from tales on how we lost our virginities to the all-important passage of losing our innocence through both challenging and triumphant life episodes. As I clicked the send button, I realized that I truly have been, after almost three decades, “Sincerely theirs!”
We have stood by each other through all the significant stages of life that seem to be defined by the enormous shedding of tears: the heart-breaking tears of losing our first loves, the joyous tears of marrying our greatest loves and last but not least, the ecstatic tears of a sense of completeness, as we proudly announced the arrivals of our unconditional loves, our progenies.
Some of us have opted to follow the non-conventional path and have chosen instead to forego the trappings of marital commitment. Those few brave souls have found the courage to achieved wholeness without compromising to be someone else’s significant other!
Through the years, we have been there for each other, in mind, body and spirit. We have been there to lend a “shoulder to cry on” when most of us experienced the devastating grief of losing lovers and/or losing parents!
We’ve also shared the triumphs of the self-defining milestones such as graduations, promotions and the all too important ego-boosting personal commendations!
Although the essence of self remains intact, the self-images have changed. From the self- conscious teenagers we have grown to self-assured baby boomers. The aimless chattering on fashion, relationships and the future have now been replaced by thoughts of wisdom on marriage, parenting and spirituality. We are essentially now living the future we prepared for over 25 years ago!
The friendly banter although ever-present, has now been graced with a heightened level of calmness from finally being comfortable of who we have become. Although the personalities have remained the same, the life paths we have chosen to follow have drastically changed our perspectives in life.
We have seen our friendship evolve along with the technology that has defined our times.
A quick reminiscing and I am transported back in time.
The quintessential high school letter, who can ever forget those scented stationeries and lacy envelopes we all spent so much time on? We were all dependent on the weekly allowance then, spending each precious cent on expensive paper that would later contain words that didn’t seem to matter much. The meticulously folded rectangular paper that reflected who we were at that given point in time, a bunch of teen-agers brimming with hope for all the wonderful and sometimes painful changes that came our way.
The letter pages chronicled the ever- changing answers to the all too familiar question on “WHO” it was, we wanted to be when we grew up. Our dreams, envisioned with so much clarity. All our goals defined with all the enthusiasm that our sixteen-year old minds could muster. Our intricate plans laid-out like nothing in our world was ever out of our reach.
The big chapter came and was defined by the poverty stricken college years. There were times when as a college student, I needed to release some final exam anxieties. Some of the most profound letters I ever wrote during these times were inked on the back of computer paper I got from the recycling bin!
The scented stationeries are all but yellowed and probably stored somewhere in the deep recesses of the attic. With our ever -demanding schedules, none of us have the luxury of time to browse through the greeting card lined hallways of Hallmark anymore.
Nowadays, three essential things govern the reality of our lives and the dynamics of our friendships: a computer monitor, a keyboard and a mouse. Amazing how technology has kept us all connected. The Internet has served as a virtual bridge that spans through distance, even through time. No more dainty linen paper, no more recycled computer printouts, all we need to stay connected is to click the SEND button.
As the pages of our lives turn to the next chapter, terms like high blood pressure, menopause, and God forbids, hair loss become so familiar in our daily existence. Amidst the effects of raging hormonal imbalances, one term though that has not been part of my peri-menopausal symptoms is… loneliness.
As I look back to the past, I can say that I have been in places I never thought I’d ever be. I have grown up in ways I never would have imagined. I have become the person I never thought I could be. All through this journey, never once have I ever felt alone. Never once have I ever thought that no one cared. As I go through this phase of life, I know that someone, somewhere in the world, there are still a bunch of sixteen-year old hearts beating in overly stressed out middle-aged bodies who can totally relate to what I am talking about!
At our high school graduation, “The Theme from Mahogany” was played as we marched through one of the most significant commencement exercises in our lives. As I ponder on the answers to the questions we were asked then: “ Do you know where you’re going to, do you like the things that life is showing you?” Admittedly, I still may not know where I am going. However, in light of the friendships that guided me along the way, I definitely like the things that life has shown me so far!
As I go back to my online banking website, I realized that perhaps I do spend so much money on stuff that I don’t really need, but then again I do have people in my life who have never defined me by the balance on my savings account. Their presence in my life has always been a source of strength and pride.
So as another lunar month commences, I know that for all that matters most in life, I hardly have any use for my Visa card! I realized that when you share a history with a group of some ones, the difference between time and space is indeed, virtual and priceless! And so I keep on plugging away!
After over a quarter of a century, I still find myself laughing at the same jokes and sharing formidable friendships with people I met, before I realized I was an actual person. As I continue to define myself with the life experiences that are presented my way. I take refuge in knowing that there some things money can’t buy and there are some things time can’t change.
Multi-tasking is the greatest blessing that the Internet has brought into my life. As I finished setting up my online payments, I simultaneously, completed typing another “Sincerely Yours” email to a friend somewhere at the other end of the globe!
Ah, the essence of hi-tech living in the 21st century, don’t you just love it?
By BigMamaDiva 9/2004
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Happily ever after…
Present Day note: After 19 years of marriage, I can still say, I found my soul mate, a bit heavier that when I met him, a tinge of gray hair on his temple, a bit grumpier than the patient being I fell in love with, but still every bit the man I came into this world to be with...
Happily ever after…
Valentine’s week and I found myself down with the dreaded flu. My body was too weak to do anything substantial but as always, my mind too awake by decongestants to find that elusive sweet slumber! When all my defenses were down, the allure of the remote control was just too hard to resist. So began the highlight of my day, watching afternoon television. With my life running on fast forward all the time, putting it on temporary pause mode was indeed a luxury. I swear, the medication must have worked double time since I found surfing through the channels an uplifting activity in an otherwise bleak mid-day.
I just kept clicking on the remote control until I found something interesting. I guess I must have dozed off a bit because when I regained consciousness, I heard Dr. Phil talking about “life’s defining moments”. Some of his guests spoke about profound ones, from childhood abuse to total parental abandonment. For most guests, the issues were about the rejection of a love completely given, and for others, the frustration generated by unmet expectations.
I felt so sorry for those people on that show who were so willing to express their pain. At the same time, I felt a deep sense of gratitude to those who have nurtured me along the way. And so it is with humble triviality that I write about one of my life’s defining moments.
My earliest defining moment happened while I was watching a movie in the theatre for the first time. Vivid memories of the banished princess Snow White, sitting by the wishing well, singing the tune that would define my generation’s search for everlasting love. As the beautiful princess expressed her immortal yearning for love, as she waited for her prince to come and save her from her wretched world, I found myself weeping like no other eight year old ever did in the history of Disney animation!!!
As promised by the lovely song of the princess, after a long and arduous wait, my prince finally did come. The knight in shinning armor of my dreams had finally graced my life. Every detail of the “perfect” wedding, I started planning when I was eight years old had come to fruition. Every reality of which, magnified and made sweeter by passion. Emotions definitely ran deep, the intensity of which I had never known. The moment of truth had finally come. I had found myself in front of the altar of my dreams, uttering the two little words, I so earnestly desired to say: “I do”. These two little words which would define my life from then on to eternity, lovingly, with the “man of my dreams”. Clearly, all of the wishes that I had ever made, on every star that I had ever seen, had come true!
Through the years, I realized that conceivably it was intentional that there was never a Snow White Part 2 nor for that matter, was there a Sleeping Beauty Part 2. Plausibly because, fairy tales ended when reality began!
Reality hit me, when I began noticing the slight imperfections on my otherwise flawless man. Reality bit me, when I realized that this personal demigod was for all intents and purposes just a man! Reality hit me more, when I began crossing out items on my ideal man list, only to be replaced by items on the “needs improvement” list.
Some people say that the first years of marriage are the most critical. Possibly because when the honeymoon is over, the two parties are at last comfortable to let all their guards down. Different worlds are finally allowed to blend and at times prevented to clash.
I had very high expectations of this hunk of a man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. Like the princess I identified with decades ago, I so desperately wanted my prince to redeem me from my world and take me to paradise. A year into the marriage, we were nowhere near paradise!!!
For some reason, something was missing. Not even the arrival of descendants brought completeness. There just was something that was obviously lacking, although in essence, that something was admittedly unidentifiable!
Of course, with all confidence, I can say that all of his expectations of me were met in the most grandiose way! Nothing was ever really my fault. I put the blame on him in situations when, unlike most of my girlfriends, he couldn’t seem to “read” my mind! Reading minds was an art that my best friends and I have mastered through the years. In fact, we took pride in knowing that we could finish each other’s sentences. The man, whom I adored on the other hand, didn’t seem to understand why my level of emotions was directly proportional to that of the intensity of my exhaustion! For it is a fact, that being fatigued due to 24/7 nurturing wasn’t an excuse to bring up the inequalities in a relationship, it was a license!
There were times when I doubted myself and declared that I hadn’t found Mr. Right all along. He was just a man, who happened to be there when I was searching for the prince who would sweep me off my feet. I resented him and all of the shattered ideals I had of him. He wasn’t going to take me to paradise, on the contrary, it felt more like we were headed to a deserted island, where only isolation and desperation existed!
Someone once said, “Life happens when you least expect it”. Perhaps with the on-set of middle age, contemplating about one’s life becomes less of a past time but more of a form of meditation. Memories of despair are replaced with nostalgic anecdotes on a stage of life when the constant, overflowing supply of love seemed to obscure the scarcity of material wealth.
As I looked forward to another day of celebration of love, I looked back on the one that has mattered the most.
Amidst successes he has been my staunchest supporter. In the depth of failure, he provided his unwavering faith and the utmost assurance of hope. Through the years, he has become a constant source of laughter in what seemed to be at times, a non-comical world!
His imperfections have complimented those of mine. His strength has diminished my weaknesses. In over a decade of being together, the intensity of his passion is overshadowed only by its endurance. And although he never learned how to “read” my mind, he saw through me and accepted me anyway. No pleas for improvement, no requirements for perfection. He simply just took me in, as I was originally packaged, never asking for more, not wanting to compromise for less. Indeed, as he promised on our wedding day, he offered me unconditional acceptance wrapped in love so generously given!!
So as the world prepared for another weekend of wine and roses, I looked back at that one defining moment when I was eight years old and I have opted to weep for the princess no more, I have chosen instead, to rejoice for myself!
I rejoice for having been given the chance to finally find out what was missing in my life. I rejoice for knowing that there was never really a need for liberation, nor for a royal liberator! I rejoice in humble acceptance, that my world was perfect as it was, whether a prince cared to announce his presence, or not! I rejoice in acknowledging that I had a dire yearning not for a savior, but for a companion to share the joys of my journey with. I rejoice in being grateful that a rescuer I didn’t find, but instead, a friend who had come to share this lifetime with.
As this magnificent planet bids farewell to another Valentine’s season and spins to the next one, my heart resonates with affection and my mind revels in the thought that, it was that significant minute, when I stopped believing in the fairy tales was when my love story began! That defining moment, when I finally let go of my prince and his promise of paradise was when I met my soul mate and found my heaven!
By: BigMamaDiva/ (February 2004)
Feedback Welcome
Happily ever after…
Valentine’s week and I found myself down with the dreaded flu. My body was too weak to do anything substantial but as always, my mind too awake by decongestants to find that elusive sweet slumber! When all my defenses were down, the allure of the remote control was just too hard to resist. So began the highlight of my day, watching afternoon television. With my life running on fast forward all the time, putting it on temporary pause mode was indeed a luxury. I swear, the medication must have worked double time since I found surfing through the channels an uplifting activity in an otherwise bleak mid-day.
I just kept clicking on the remote control until I found something interesting. I guess I must have dozed off a bit because when I regained consciousness, I heard Dr. Phil talking about “life’s defining moments”. Some of his guests spoke about profound ones, from childhood abuse to total parental abandonment. For most guests, the issues were about the rejection of a love completely given, and for others, the frustration generated by unmet expectations.
I felt so sorry for those people on that show who were so willing to express their pain. At the same time, I felt a deep sense of gratitude to those who have nurtured me along the way. And so it is with humble triviality that I write about one of my life’s defining moments.
My earliest defining moment happened while I was watching a movie in the theatre for the first time. Vivid memories of the banished princess Snow White, sitting by the wishing well, singing the tune that would define my generation’s search for everlasting love. As the beautiful princess expressed her immortal yearning for love, as she waited for her prince to come and save her from her wretched world, I found myself weeping like no other eight year old ever did in the history of Disney animation!!!
As promised by the lovely song of the princess, after a long and arduous wait, my prince finally did come. The knight in shinning armor of my dreams had finally graced my life. Every detail of the “perfect” wedding, I started planning when I was eight years old had come to fruition. Every reality of which, magnified and made sweeter by passion. Emotions definitely ran deep, the intensity of which I had never known. The moment of truth had finally come. I had found myself in front of the altar of my dreams, uttering the two little words, I so earnestly desired to say: “I do”. These two little words which would define my life from then on to eternity, lovingly, with the “man of my dreams”. Clearly, all of the wishes that I had ever made, on every star that I had ever seen, had come true!
Through the years, I realized that conceivably it was intentional that there was never a Snow White Part 2 nor for that matter, was there a Sleeping Beauty Part 2. Plausibly because, fairy tales ended when reality began!
Reality hit me, when I began noticing the slight imperfections on my otherwise flawless man. Reality bit me, when I realized that this personal demigod was for all intents and purposes just a man! Reality hit me more, when I began crossing out items on my ideal man list, only to be replaced by items on the “needs improvement” list.
Some people say that the first years of marriage are the most critical. Possibly because when the honeymoon is over, the two parties are at last comfortable to let all their guards down. Different worlds are finally allowed to blend and at times prevented to clash.
I had very high expectations of this hunk of a man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. Like the princess I identified with decades ago, I so desperately wanted my prince to redeem me from my world and take me to paradise. A year into the marriage, we were nowhere near paradise!!!
For some reason, something was missing. Not even the arrival of descendants brought completeness. There just was something that was obviously lacking, although in essence, that something was admittedly unidentifiable!
Of course, with all confidence, I can say that all of his expectations of me were met in the most grandiose way! Nothing was ever really my fault. I put the blame on him in situations when, unlike most of my girlfriends, he couldn’t seem to “read” my mind! Reading minds was an art that my best friends and I have mastered through the years. In fact, we took pride in knowing that we could finish each other’s sentences. The man, whom I adored on the other hand, didn’t seem to understand why my level of emotions was directly proportional to that of the intensity of my exhaustion! For it is a fact, that being fatigued due to 24/7 nurturing wasn’t an excuse to bring up the inequalities in a relationship, it was a license!
There were times when I doubted myself and declared that I hadn’t found Mr. Right all along. He was just a man, who happened to be there when I was searching for the prince who would sweep me off my feet. I resented him and all of the shattered ideals I had of him. He wasn’t going to take me to paradise, on the contrary, it felt more like we were headed to a deserted island, where only isolation and desperation existed!
Someone once said, “Life happens when you least expect it”. Perhaps with the on-set of middle age, contemplating about one’s life becomes less of a past time but more of a form of meditation. Memories of despair are replaced with nostalgic anecdotes on a stage of life when the constant, overflowing supply of love seemed to obscure the scarcity of material wealth.
As I looked forward to another day of celebration of love, I looked back on the one that has mattered the most.
Amidst successes he has been my staunchest supporter. In the depth of failure, he provided his unwavering faith and the utmost assurance of hope. Through the years, he has become a constant source of laughter in what seemed to be at times, a non-comical world!
His imperfections have complimented those of mine. His strength has diminished my weaknesses. In over a decade of being together, the intensity of his passion is overshadowed only by its endurance. And although he never learned how to “read” my mind, he saw through me and accepted me anyway. No pleas for improvement, no requirements for perfection. He simply just took me in, as I was originally packaged, never asking for more, not wanting to compromise for less. Indeed, as he promised on our wedding day, he offered me unconditional acceptance wrapped in love so generously given!!
So as the world prepared for another weekend of wine and roses, I looked back at that one defining moment when I was eight years old and I have opted to weep for the princess no more, I have chosen instead, to rejoice for myself!
I rejoice for having been given the chance to finally find out what was missing in my life. I rejoice for knowing that there was never really a need for liberation, nor for a royal liberator! I rejoice in humble acceptance, that my world was perfect as it was, whether a prince cared to announce his presence, or not! I rejoice in acknowledging that I had a dire yearning not for a savior, but for a companion to share the joys of my journey with. I rejoice in being grateful that a rescuer I didn’t find, but instead, a friend who had come to share this lifetime with.
As this magnificent planet bids farewell to another Valentine’s season and spins to the next one, my heart resonates with affection and my mind revels in the thought that, it was that significant minute, when I stopped believing in the fairy tales was when my love story began! That defining moment, when I finally let go of my prince and his promise of paradise was when I met my soul mate and found my heaven!
By: BigMamaDiva/ (February 2004)
Feedback Welcome
Misery Is a Matter of Choice
Misery Is a Matter of Choice
I really don’t know what it is. Somehow, the end of the month always seems to transform an otherwise glorious month into a depressing one. Perhaps, the gloominess is brought about the deluge of obligations, financial and otherwise that need to be fulfilled before the clock strikes midnight on the very last day of the lunar month. Perhaps too, as we progress in age, it is our inability to cope with an ever-increasing pace of an already fast lifestyle that makes us incapable of accepting that another month has just passed us by.
My mother gave me a poster that says, “I can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses!” I remember her giving me the poster when I was in high school. She said that it was a very appropriate reminder for someone who spends most of her time complaining!!! The poster is over twenty years old now and I still have it. I put this poster print where I can see it every time, for there are days when I need to be reminded of the so-called “disguised blessings” badly!
Another end of the month was once again upon us. We were driving to attend one of those family birthday celebrations where all of the relatives who were born on that month get to blow the candles on one gigantic cake. On the way to the family gathering in the San Francisco Bay Area, we happened to drive by an accident. We saw a man on the side of the road, whose motorcycle apparently got struck by a big-rig truck and he appeared lifeless lying on the sidewalk.
Perhaps it was coincidence that we were there, perhaps it wasn’t, but the experience gave me a glaring indication on how precious life is. I felt a sudden sense of panic for all the time wasted on things that have remote affinity to adding real meaning to our time here on this splendid universe!
And so our afternoon drive started with this stark revelation.
On our frequent drives to family gatherings, my husband and I spend our four-hour round trip to the Bay Area to catch-up on each other’s lives. He tells me about his extremely intriguing corporate world and I tell him about my extremely dramatic domestic one!!!
For most parts, I give him some highlights of conversations I had with friends throughout the weeks that had passed. I update him on all of the current events that were significant to the lives of the people around us. I am in all technicalities, his unofficial human tabloid!
For that particular week, the headline that captivated our days had something to do with the emotional “bullies” who seem to have an ever-menacing presence in all of our lives. These were the people who made you feel guiltily responsible for everything that went awry in their lives. Unfortunately, there is at least one of these characters that appears in every episode of each of the life chapters of every man, woman and child in this vast universe!
So as my husband went about his driving, I went about with my updating. As always, the passionate and ferocious Leo in me overcomes my sense of self and I have the tendency to get absorbed in the drama of the so-called injustices that these life villains inflict on us, and yes, including all those around us.
My husband the sympathetic Virgo on the other hand, is one who absorbs everything you tell him, most of the time keeping his opinions to himself until he has heard every fascinating detail and every intriguing side of the story. A virtue that very opinionated people like me has tried to learn from him throughout all the years. Admittedly, learning with much difficulty! Consequently, given trying situations, most especially when emotions run high, I obviously fail desperately!!!
We had a lengthy discussion on what differentiates these so-called “miserably pathetic people” from those who lead abundantly contented lives. As someone who doesn’t have a nine to five job, I have the luxury of being able to imbibe the wisdom generously offered by the afternoon television line-up. I mentioned that I saw this Dr. Phil’s television show a couple of days ago. My husband, who unlike me spends his days living a salaried productive existence outside the home, was vaguely familiar with Dr. Phil.
I watch Dr. Phil’s show whenever I find time in my otherwise chore-ridden afternoons! Anyway, he had this one show that dealt with the “victim mentality”. Dr. Phil is an “in your face” kind of a therapist, he has no qualms telling people what is “wrong” with them. The bottom line is, Dr. Phil said that those who overcome the difficulties successfully are those who take responsibility for everything that happens in their life. Blaming, according to the good doctor is a waste of time.
Bottom line, there is no use looking at the past transgressions. In this lifetime, like in any other lifetime, there is no such thing as rewind and replay buttons. “Doing over” the past is in fact, whether we want to admit it or not, nothing but an illusion in impossibility. The sooner you realize that there is NO ONE else to blame but yourself, the sooner it is that you are able to stand up and continue along with your journey.
An important key is to know that your actions have consequences. The person who internalizes those consequences and takes responsibility for them seem to be more well adjusted than those who spend their whole lives blaming others for their miserable lot.
Dr. Phil had guests who have spent their whole lives miserably. Instead of healing their pain and going on with their lives, they spend all their waking hours finding an external antidote to their suffering, hence the path to addiction, crime and the predisposition to inflict pain on others. On the other end of the spectrum, he had guests whose directions in life were changed by their tragedies. They have experienced the miraculous transformation from being victims to becoming victors.
That lazy weekday afternoon when I was watching the show, I didn’t really put any thought about the valuable life lessons that were just imparted on my ultra-oblivious brain! However, that afternoon, when I was discussing this show with my television-challenged husband, Dr. Phil’s message finally made sense!!!
I thought of all the people in my life and how I can pretty much sort them by these two categories. Those who took responsibility for their pain have lead very fruitful, successful and more content lives. In addition, their success has been endearingly passed on to their family’s next generation. Like precious heirlooms, their children gratefully accepted and imbibed the heritage of dignity and perseverance.
On the other hand, those who have let nothing but misery and blame consume their waking hours, continuously struggle to get by. Most of the time, like a tornado that touches land, their wrath destroys everything in their path! Unfortunately, as a consequence, their miseries have inevitably seeped through the essence of their children’s spirits and have detrimentally defined their future!
I then made an inventory of everyone in our lives. The friendships we’ve nurtured and kept throughout the years have been with the people who have shared our convictions and our beliefs. We have been fortunate to be associated with wonderful people who have not allowed their share of pain ruin them. The dear friends who have graced our lives have surpassed their own share of trials, each one have managed to find the courage to instead make each tribulation an excuse to make their existence more meaningful than the day before. Their presence in our lives, like a touch of divinity, has made our journeys worthwhile!
Perhaps opportunities of attaining wisdom have been provided to us, as we have been witnesses to those, whose whole lives could very well have been called “textbook” miserable cases. Yet, the same fearless people have managed to re-invent themselves time and time again, each time becoming a better person than who they were before! Although unfortunately their number is in the minority, and one hardly hears any fuzz about them, they are indeed the ultimate textbook definition of success!
Undoubtedly on the other end of the spectrum, we know of people who live and breathe misery. Unfortunately, at times we found ourselves in the middle of the "eye of the storm", absorbing the entire wrath that their misery unfolded. Fortunately, on occasions, we were smart enough to get out of the way. Perhaps, in retrospect, being in the midst of these challenging people can be perceived simply as nature’s way of balancing herself out. Life as we know it can’t always be graced by those whose essence radiates enormous inspiration. There will always be those whose very presence requires a great deal of tolerance and unconditional acceptance.
Seeing that man on the side of the street seeming lifeless generated a mini-cathartic experience for me. I spent the afternoon trivializing minor details and understanding schemes that didn’t seem to make sense. I started unraveling the agenda behind the fury of the so-called “bullies” in our lives. Perhaps, the anger and all the manifestations of it that the “mean-spirited” individuals try to inflict on us is just a desperate cry for help.
Sometimes, it is with much difficulty that we attempt to see beyond the drama that we find ourselves in. However, like anything else in this great wonderful world of ours, all devastating storms have termination dates. We just need to find the courage to brace ourselves while we are still in the midst of the wrath and perhaps find solace in knowing that whatever it is or might have been, “it too shall pass!” All we can hope for is that after the passage is complete, the shocking after effects will go away sooner than later.
What I realized that eventful afternoon is that the facts about a situation remain the same. Nothing could ever change them, not anger, not frustration, not retribution. However, you start seeing them with loving eyes and the personal meanings of the so-called challenging chapters in our lives are seen with much more clarity.
As we found ourselves waiting for our turn to cross the San Francisco Bay Bridge, I sat inside the car with my best friend and I realized the serendipitous symbolism our impending crossing represented. At that point in time, I had just come across some emotional bridges myself. With great humility, I implored my life partner to remind me constantly to bless those who persecute us. I vowed to attain added consideration to those whose whole existence is an expression of pain. I said a silent offering of peace to those who have been so “wounded” that the only way they know how to comfort their broken spirit is to inflict their pain on others, in the hopes that the enormity of their suffering would somehow be alleviated. Perhaps, it is in all its true form, their brand of bullying is just a simple yearning for compassion!
As I had a change of heart and demeanor, I started being grateful to the “villains” in my life for giving me the endless opportunities to learn the virtues of patience and acceptance. I acknowledged their teaching presence in my life as I experience the cleansing feeling only the blessing of unconditional forgiveness brings. I began to send them thoughts of loving kindness, as I would any other human being who happens to significantly cross my path.
I found enlightenment in my change of perspective. At the end of your day if I can declare that I did something good for someone, regardless of who they were, then I would have lived my day to its fullest splendor! Imagine a lifetime lived with each day in its full splendor!!! What a marvelous thought! Anything beyond the splendor is really just “drama”. The tragic twists and turns that spice up our lives should be perceived strictly as entertainment only. My husband and I were both amused at the thought that we can look forward to spending the rest of our lives being entertained!
I once again remembered the man I saw lying by the freeway pavement and realized how our lives become more finite every minute. I salute the existence of trials in my life for it is only in overcoming them can I claim to be victorious over my limitations. In my being I know that misery and loneliness are nothing but manifestations of the physical body. Therefore I rejoice in my miseries, for it is only in this lifetime can I wallow in them. I am grateful for all the tribulations, for it is only in comparison with them that my successes are magnified.
I have lost all the reasons to complain regarding the thorn bushes that I have stumble upon in my journey. Instead, I have begun to be grateful for them for they have brought me such magnificent rose buds!
As we approached our destination, I was still a bit apprehensive about the ending of another month. I was appeased with the thought of knowing that in less than twenty-four hours, a new moon will ascend upon the heavens.
Life as we knew it will begin anew!
By BigMamaDiva/(May 2004)
Feedback Welcome
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Summer Games
The past weekend has been one of the most awe inspiring one I have ever had. So touched to the core that it has finally prompted me to start a blog...something I have been postponing to do since perhaps the inception of the internet! :)
This weekend we are brimming with pride as our son Erwin has come home from the Special Olympics Northern California (SONC) Summer Games with 2 gold medals and a bronze in the aquatics division. He received a medal in all the events that he participated in! Vic, Ellis and I have been a part of a weekend of Michael Phelps proportion (okay maybe a tad less!). So I can’t help but share the amazing experience we had these past 36 hours! My blogging days have officially begun!
A little background, in March of this year, Erwin started training with the Elk Grove team. In May, his team competed in the Regional Finals. Much to everyone’s surprise, Erwin who is known as the playful one, got a gold medal for 25 meters free-style. His logged time was for the record books! The first thing his coach said to Erwin, “Who are you?” In addition, due to his catching up effort, his team won the 100 m relay silver medal (rallying from non medal spot!).
The required qualification for the Northern California State Competition is no less than a gold medal! 5 out of the 10 Elk Grove athletes won gold in Roseville however Erwin was one of only two athletes who were chosen to represent their team. His co-athlete, Karissa is the national media representative for Northern California, as part of her role, she setup a twitter account so followers can get an update of her experience as an SONC athlete.
Here are the highlights of this whirlwind weekend:
Friday:
Bright and early was a live coverage of Good Morning Sacramento (local morning TV show) to cover the tweetup (goggle it) and promote Special Olympics, Erwin was there smiling for the cameras with his bright green Elk Grove shirt on!
Mid day brought us to the west steps of the State Capitol to meet up with the Olympic torch and its bearers. The California law enforcement officers are the main sponsors of the summer games. They presented a check to Sp. Olympics for over 900K. The emcee of this event was a Down’s Syndrome teenager who was very eloquent and had a good sense of humor.
Early afternoon was spent in another media event at the actual tweetup in Davis where the twitter followers actually met up with the Elk Grove athletes. Athletes from Fresno and other counties attended as well.
Opening ceremonies was a surreal experience! The law enforcement officers lined up on two sides of a gigantic star made of balloons and the presentation of athletes began. The officers greeted each and every one of the athletes with a high five! Erwin and Karissa were the very last athletes to be presented since they were part of the host county: Sacramento. Here is the twitter entry before they were presented: http://tweetphoto.com/29164715. The most important people always come last!!!
Police cars representing all Northern Cal counties lined up one side of the UC Davis arena to serve as the backdrop for the Olympic flame cauldron. When the torch bearers of the “Flame of Hope” finally arrived at the arena and the cauldron was lit, all the police car lights were turned on and the signature Olympic music was played. Talk about a goose-bump moment!!!
The most touching part was the tribute to Eunice Kennedy who founded the organization. Without her, there wouldn’t be a venue for these kids to display their prowess in a society where perfection is the requirement for acceptance. A posthumous award was given to a coach who started volunteering when his own son qualified for the games. He battled cancer and continued coaching till the last days of his life. They also presented an award to one of the volunteers for her 40th year mark. Sp. Olympics is 42 years old!
After the opening ceremonies, the coaches brought the athletes to the UC Davis dorms to rest for the night. Vic and Ellis were almost in tears when they helped Erwin carry his bag to the coach’s car. I cried my eyes out! Erwin was so excited with his first ever sleepover, took his bag and said to us, “Be safe!” He didn’t even say good bye, didn’t look back...he was outta there!
Saturday:
Erwin’s first event was the 25 meter backstroke. Erwin who has been struggling with his arm movements in practice won his race by half a lap distance and yes with perfect arm strokes! Question remains: “Who is this kid?” Must be the adrenaline rush!
Second event was the 50 meter free style. Mind you this is his first year of competition and he has never done the 50 meters (2 laps). He completed his first lap again with half a lap distance from his next competitor, stopped for 2 seconds to look at the coach, grunted, then went on again to finish his race. He reached the wall when all the other boys were just completing their turn to do the final lap. After that race a couple of coaches commented on how “fast that Erwin is!” He was like a rocket! He smoked his competition! One of the volunteers said, “Wow such power!” Woohoo!
Sunday, his 16th Birthday
The boys competing for 25 meters sang him the birthday song. His last event was the 25 meter free-style, one which he won his first ever competition gold. The announcer introduced him as: “On lane 8, celebrating his 16th Birthday, Erwin Garcia”. Everyone cheered for him! It was one of the last events of the morning so they combined two divisions in one. He went off and was leading for the first couple of minutes, looked on the side and saw everyone else were still lagging behind, hesitated, slowed down a bit then went on. He won a bronze medal. After the event, I asked him, why didn’t you go fast, fast, fast Erwin? He said, “They are my friends!” Aww, that is worth more than the shiniest gold!
Total count for his first season: Gold:3 Silver:1 Bronze:1. Not bad for a rookie! (Just an added note, yesterday, after he won his second gold of the day, another kid who was sharing our bleacher just won a bronze medal, I told him, Erwin, all you need is a bronze medal and you’ll have all the colors! Such an obedient kid, wish granted mom!)
After this weekend's stellar swim, Erwin will be trying out for his High School's swim team.
All the Special Olympics activities are free-of-charge to the athletes, one of only a few that Arnold’s budget hasn’t cut yet!
So in passing, I also wanted to ask you that next time you are inclined to make a donation, consider sharing your blessings with the Special Olympics. Here is their website: http://www.sonc.org/
There are also easier ways to share with these amazing kids: eat at Denny’s, proceeds of their income from the Grand Slam goes to SO; www.escrip.com for those families who have transitioned out of elementary school, you can still continue doing scrip.
Erwin's dad, his brother and I have been humbled and honored to be a part of the miracle transformations of these kids, from being ridden with disability to jaw-dropping awesomeness!
And oh, next time you get stopped by a police officer, please thank them for us, for supporting our kids, they have tirelessly volunteered their time, money and energy to this cause…who knows you might just get a waiver for that speeding ticket :)
And for all those of you who have read through all these, THANK YOU…for indulging me, for letting me share my experience. Last Saturday was my Mom’s birthday, I prayed for her to help Erwin win a medal, just one…my son got three…generous still even from a different dimension!!!
Tonight is the culmination of a life defining weekend:
A weekend wrought with emotions as we were eye witnesses to Olympic Gold medal success stories driven by pure determination.
A weekend admiring volunteer coaches as they supported their competitors, yes the operative word is volunteer...giving so much of themselves without asking for anything in return.
A weekend watching parents endure the most mundane to the most inspiring manifestation of unconditional love.
A weekend knowing that although each and every family member there understood what a disability does to a lifetime, hinging on hope and reassurance to have the verve to declare that life is perfect as it presently is.
A weekend of finding new lifelong friends, in the process of realizing that everyone is on the "same boat", yet sailing peacefully with grateful acceptance of the rough waters that have challenged each and every sail.
A weekend cheering athletes who are considered limited on land but formidable forces to contend with in the sky blue water.
Finally, a weekend spent not judging BUT celebrating the “slight imperfections” of our children and yes indeed, they are the special ones!
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