The Technology of Friendship

The Technology of Friendship

I had just spent the last hour transacting all of my monthly financial obligations online. Everything seems to be done automatically these days. As quickly as my paycheck is automatically credited to my account, my long list of creditors debits it for my monthly expenses. Hopefully, there is a lot more money left from this debit/credit transaction after I’m done with it. In reality, for most months, the expenses outweigh the incoming finances!

I then tried to think about what I spent my money on. From the inventory of things that I purchased, nothing seems to be significant enough to warrant a depleted balance on my account!

Ah, the fluff that is supposed to bring brightness to my being ends up generating a lot of resentment when payment is finally due!

And so the usual end of the month blues has descended upon my otherwise content existence. I tried to find the essential meaning of life in all of these. Money it seems can’t buy you happiness, nor as the Beatles so wisely sang it, “money, can’t buy you love” either. To its credit, what money does though, is buy you instant gratification that is transformed to instant depression when the bills come marching in!

To appease myself, I looked back on another month of mundane existence and attempted to find the so-called blessings I could count.

Perhaps, it is another sure sign of the times that I can no longer deny that I need to cut down on my spending on the unnecessary stuff that clutter my world. There is another truth that I can no longer imagine my existence without, the most essential technological advancement of all time, my Internet connection! How did I ever live without it? Can you even imagine your life now without any wireless connections?

Perhaps, it just me however, with the lightning speed timing that technology has brought into our lives, there is another great benefit that we could count on…one can’t even find the time to be depressed in virtual time!

Everything seems to be measured in nanoseconds, where have all the lazy hours gone? Perhaps to oblivion!

Even the friendships that I have kept and nurtured through the years are now but a mouse click away from extinction! The information super highway has been a great tool for maximizing my time management. The Internet has afforded me the ability to write a lengthy email to someone across the world while I try to balance my checkbook and do an electronic payment on my Visa account!

In fact, I just finished a response to an email from a friend in Cairo, Egypt. On the mailing list are friends on different locations around the globe. From Asia to Australia, from the tiny island of Saipan to the enormous North American Continent, each email address representing a person millions of miles away, each name signifying a friend I have known since the Middle Ages!

As I typed the words “Sincerely yours, “ I realized that they are but empty words which we so often use as an ending clause on any of our correspondences. However, they mean so much more than they seemingly appear. For after over a quarter of a century, I am still in touch with the friends I met when I was twelve. We are still very much in each other’s lives, sharing thoughts and experiences. We have been there for each other through the psychological pains of puberty to the emotional stability of maturity.

At least one could only assume that we have finally achieved some level of maturity, I hope!

We have shared anecdotes ranging from teen-age crushes and raging hormones, to just recently the all too annoying physical manifestations of what ails the middle-age body.

We have shared secrets from tales on how we lost our virginities to the all-important passage of losing our innocence through both challenging and triumphant life episodes. As I clicked the send button, I realized that I truly have been, after almost three decades, “Sincerely theirs!”

We have stood by each other through all the significant stages of life that seem to be defined by the enormous shedding of tears: the heart-breaking tears of losing our first loves, the joyous tears of marrying our greatest loves and last but not least, the ecstatic tears of a sense of completeness, as we proudly announced the arrivals of our unconditional loves, our progenies.

Some of us have opted to follow the non-conventional path and have chosen instead to forego the trappings of marital commitment. Those few brave souls have found the courage to achieved wholeness without compromising to be someone else’s significant other!

Through the years, we have been there for each other, in mind, body and spirit. We have been there to lend a “shoulder to cry on” when most of us experienced the devastating grief of losing lovers and/or losing parents!

We’ve also shared the triumphs of the self-defining milestones such as graduations, promotions and the all too important ego-boosting personal commendations!

Although the essence of self remains intact, the self-images have changed. From the self- conscious teenagers we have grown to self-assured baby boomers. The aimless chattering on fashion, relationships and the future have now been replaced by thoughts of wisdom on marriage, parenting and spirituality. We are essentially now living the future we prepared for over 25 years ago!

The friendly banter although ever-present, has now been graced with a heightened level of calmness from finally being comfortable of who we have become. Although the personalities have remained the same, the life paths we have chosen to follow have drastically changed our perspectives in life.

We have seen our friendship evolve along with the technology that has defined our times.

A quick reminiscing and I am transported back in time.

The quintessential high school letter, who can ever forget those scented stationeries and lacy envelopes we all spent so much time on? We were all dependent on the weekly allowance then, spending each precious cent on expensive paper that would later contain words that didn’t seem to matter much. The meticulously folded rectangular paper that reflected who we were at that given point in time, a bunch of teen-agers brimming with hope for all the wonderful and sometimes painful changes that came our way.

The letter pages chronicled the ever- changing answers to the all too familiar question on “WHO” it was, we wanted to be when we grew up. Our dreams, envisioned with so much clarity. All our goals defined with all the enthusiasm that our sixteen-year old minds could muster. Our intricate plans laid-out like nothing in our world was ever out of our reach.

The big chapter came and was defined by the poverty stricken college years. There were times when as a college student, I needed to release some final exam anxieties. Some of the most profound letters I ever wrote during these times were inked on the back of computer paper I got from the recycling bin!

The scented stationeries are all but yellowed and probably stored somewhere in the deep recesses of the attic. With our ever -demanding schedules, none of us have the luxury of time to browse through the greeting card lined hallways of Hallmark anymore.

Nowadays, three essential things govern the reality of our lives and the dynamics of our friendships: a computer monitor, a keyboard and a mouse. Amazing how technology has kept us all connected. The Internet has served as a virtual bridge that spans through distance, even through time. No more dainty linen paper, no more recycled computer printouts, all we need to stay connected is to click the SEND button.

As the pages of our lives turn to the next chapter, terms like high blood pressure, menopause, and God forbids, hair loss become so familiar in our daily existence. Amidst the effects of raging hormonal imbalances, one term though that has not been part of my peri-menopausal symptoms is… loneliness.

As I look back to the past, I can say that I have been in places I never thought I’d ever be. I have grown up in ways I never would have imagined. I have become the person I never thought I could be. All through this journey, never once have I ever felt alone. Never once have I ever thought that no one cared. As I go through this phase of life, I know that someone, somewhere in the world, there are still a bunch of sixteen-year old hearts beating in overly stressed out middle-aged bodies who can totally relate to what I am talking about!

At our high school graduation, “The Theme from Mahogany” was played as we marched through one of the most significant commencement exercises in our lives. As I ponder on the answers to the questions we were asked then: “ Do you know where you’re going to, do you like the things that life is showing you?” Admittedly, I still may not know where I am going. However, in light of the friendships that guided me along the way, I definitely like the things that life has shown me so far!

As I go back to my online banking website, I realized that perhaps I do spend so much money on stuff that I don’t really need, but then again I do have people in my life who have never defined me by the balance on my savings account. Their presence in my life has always been a source of strength and pride.

So as another lunar month commences, I know that for all that matters most in life, I hardly have any use for my Visa card! I realized that when you share a history with a group of some ones, the difference between time and space is indeed, virtual and priceless! And so I keep on plugging away!

After over a quarter of a century, I still find myself laughing at the same jokes and sharing formidable friendships with people I met, before I realized I was an actual person. As I continue to define myself with the life experiences that are presented my way. I take refuge in knowing that there some things money can’t buy and there are some things time can’t change.

Multi-tasking is the greatest blessing that the Internet has brought into my life. As I finished setting up my online payments, I simultaneously, completed typing another “Sincerely Yours” email to a friend somewhere at the other end of the globe!

Ah, the essence of hi-tech living in the 21st century, don’t you just love it?

By BigMamaDiva 9/2004